Red Ink Overdose for Local Woman

Tragedy strikes as yet another civilian falls victim to the undeniable power of the red pen. We have confirmation that a high profile agency had pressured Suzanne Bhargava into using the pens in dangerous doses. Sources say there are many others like her, not knowing which flourish of the pen will be their last.

We spoke to the victim's distraught husband, who said, "I don't understand how this could have happened! Suzanne never even liked red pens! When she was a teacher, she always preferred to use green or even purple. She said it was less aggressive. These villains have to be stopped."

Police say she went through just over two full red biro pens in the space of about four weeks. These amounts are said to be toxic to even the most hardened, critical, red-pen-using teachers. One former colleague of Suzanne's, Dr Sean Purchase said, "I like to make their homework bleed." 

Community members are asked to remain calm, but vigilant in these trying times.